How does Male-Factor Infertility affect a relationship? An analysis.
In our 2019 Future of Fatherhood Report, we made the case that fertility is not just a women’s issue.
That it’s fundamentally a growing concern for aspiring fathers, too. Unfortunately, male infertility is not something we speak about freely in our society, in part because many men believe that their masculinity is tied to their virility.
Our mission is to destigmatize male infertility. We understand that this is a challenging condition for men to cope with, but also wanted to explore the effect that male-factor infertility has on female partners.
We surveyed 54 women whose significant others suffer from male infertility and conducted a meta-analysis across 13 communities. Here’s what we learned.
1. Male infertility impacts mental health — and not just in men
If you ask any couple who has been through it, most will tell you that the infertility journey is an emotional roller-coaster. It’s filled with tears, frustration, and a sense of held-on-hope and helplessness. The high cost of fertility treatments and repeated unsuccessful surgeries causes stress and heartbreak.
Over 65 percent of women reported feeling resentment toward their partners at some point after news of their partners’ infertility. Some found themselves blaming their partner for being unable to fulfill the essential function of his sex. Others grew frustrated because their partners didn’t appear to understand their urgency or share a similar level of urgency in trying to conceive. Often times, this resentment was intensified by social constructs: sperm health is typically overlooked and the inability to conceive is often times seen as a female-issue.
As a result, 32 percent of women contemplated divorce and just over 10 percent reported suicidal thoughts at some point after they learned their partner had male factor infertility.
So where did women turn to for help? Nearly 75 percent spoke with a third-party counselor or a therapist. Many also looked to meditation and prayer, to their close peer groups, and to online community support groups. Some of the more popular online community support groups included Male Infertility Support Group, What to Expect, and Resolve. Notably, confiding in their male partner was at the bottom of the list. The journey through male infertility is lonely for every stakeholder.
2. We need to support women supporting men
In our study, we found that women are seeking ways to support their partners throughout their infertility struggle, but have a difficult time knowing how to help. They reported their significant others becoming more reserved, seeking solitude, becoming short-tempered, closing themselves off, or exhibiting high levels of anger as a result of medications they are taking or due to their bruised ego and self-esteem. In fact, one in five women saw their partner’s anxiety increase, leading to an inability to perform and further contributing to the inability to conceive.
Considering the lack of educational resources available, It’s no surprise that women struggle with knowing how to support their partner appropriately. Many women were quick to consider donor sperm, even before they or their partner could finish the grieving process. While nearly all women discussed procedures, costs, and next steps as they tried-to-conceive, less than two in seven felt comfortable to speak with their partner about how they’re processing the news.
The most common reasons why women didn’t feel comfortable include uncertainty about what their partner was feeling, not knowing how to lead those discussions effectively, and their own preoccupation over their own mental health.
3. Both men and women need better education on male infertility
Traditionally, fertility has been seen as a women’s issue. However, between 30 and 50% of fertility issues result from men.
Just as there are limited resources for men in supporting their female partners in the fertility journey, women are not provided with the knowledge and aid they need to help their male partners through these challenging times. Less than 10% of women, for example, expressed that they considered themselves well-versed in issues of male fertility before the news of their significant other’s infertility.
The majority of women reported educating themselves through a combination of searching online, turning to online or physical communities whose members have gone through similar experiences, or speaking with a medical professional in person. 1 in 10 turned to telemedicine and nearly 1 in 3 read published materials from medical publications, government websites, or hospitals. This was likely due to their recognition of the widespread misinformation online on male infertility.
Despite this, many carried with them fears, questions, and misinformation. Most women struggled with the interpretation of sperm analysis results since they lack the appropriate knowledge and terminology. Many women believed in the efficacy of discredited fertility supplements that online sources senselessly promoted. Additionally, there were a number of websites that made unsupported and false claims such as “clear and watery ejaculate is indicative of low or absent sperm count.” Over a third of women reported feeling hopeless specifically because they believed they were undereducated and misled. It’s important that organizations and researchers in this field continue to publish reputable studies and accurate information around male infertility so that couples can learn how to best support each other.
In the meantime, you can learn more about male fertility through our educational guide and read about ways to improve sperm health through lifestyle and supplements.
Note: I want to acknowledge that this first survey focused on heterosexual couples. This is part of a series of surveys that will also include the experiences of same-sex and queer couples, as well as men outside of the typical ‘nuclear family’ bubble. These will be more targeted as the majority of support groups we surveyed were largely for heterosexual couples.
